I Quit

Enough is enough!  Dealing with lots of family issues, so guess what I just did.  Ate one pound of ground chuck, 6 slices of bread, and a piece of apple upside down cake.  Do you know what happened?  Nothing!  My problems are still there, I don't feel any better, as a matter of fact, I feel worse, because now I know I will have gained weight by tomorrow. My blood sugar will be way out of whack and I have no one to blame but myself.  Why, because I didn't go to God first. This horrible habit of eating to solve or suppress my problems has got to stop before I wind up killing myself with food.  So I have to quit it, just like I quit smoking.  Stop and don't look back. Keep looking forward, keep looking upon God and His holy word.  Quit it!!

No Regrets

So I'm trying... to start again... and I'm trying to get on my exercise bike.  I reluctantly didn't go to the gym tonight, but put in "my fitness pal" that I'd do 15 minutes on my bike at home.  And as I put that in my fitness pal account I had this thought of "what a loser you are."  Because I wouldn't go to the gym, ya know.  So I grudgingly puddled to the living room and hopped on that bike and gave it my all.  When all was said and done, I was panting like a dog, my heart rate was in the one-teens, and I could feel the burn in my calves.  I got off the bike and this thought occurred to me.

WHY do I always set up these GOOD or BAD values in my head, and when I don't do them I get on myself and call myself names??  That 15 minute bike workout was just as great as 15 minutes on the Arc trainer at the gym, yet for some stupid reason in my head, I got down on myself.  How stupid is that?  Why do I do that, though?  Why is it so damned easy to call myself names?  It's so self-defeating!!!  

No more self-name-calling.  How can I rebuild myself if I'm so willing to tear myself apart?  

So, I will now refer to myself as Princess Bernice.  Because I AM A PRINCESS IN GOD'S EYES... so why not be one in my OWN eyes?!

Signed,
Your Royal Highness,
Princess Bernice

Strangest thing happened today.  I was ravenous, wanted to eat but nothing I ate seemed to satisfy me.  I wanted veggie burgers, but I had planned that for dinner, it was only 3:ish, but I wanted them burgers.  So I had them, on a bun with Dijon mustard & cheese.  Guess what, the cravings went away.  I truly believe the Holy Spirit was helping me make a food choice that was good for me.  I still am not hungry and it is after 7:pm.  I have enough money to buy 2 more packages of them before I get paid.  Wish they weren't so expensive, you pay more for 4 patties (over $4.00 a box) than a pound of ground round.  I remember the first time I was in the hospital for my A-Fib, I ate them twice a day and lost 40 pounds  in 13 days, doing nothing but sitting in the recliner and cross-stitching!  Keep growing in me Holy Spirit, push out the bad choices, make me wiser to the good.

Take It All

a song by Third Day

I listened to this song today, truth be told, I listened to it for at least 30 minutes, if not more, I lost track of time!

How can I move ahead if I don't stop punishing myself because I am fat?

I won't forgive myself for my past mistakes, but Jesus already has.

I keep hurting myself with food, and Jesus is there saying that I am already forgiven.

Today I ask Him to take all my past mistakes,
and help me to forgive myself!

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass,

It's about learning to dance in the rain.

Hmm, been thinking today.  If God the creator of all, has given me this body challenge, then He must believe I can concur it!  What am I waiting for?  If God is behind me, who can stop me.  Only one can stop me from my accomplishments, and that is myself.  Ohhh, what a fool I have been.  (just a note, when I typed the word fool, I first typed it as food, how sad am I).

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